Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day

I wanted to take a moment to say Happy Mother's Day to all of the mommies.. birth mommies, adoptive mommies, step mommies, mommies to angel babies and anyone who has ever loved like a mom. This holiday is another that makes me remember the old Ron. For those who don't know, I have a 15yo son that I placed for adoption when he was 3 days old. I met Ron shortly after placing my son. Ron and I went through 4.5 years of infertility treatments without success. However, since he and I met, Ron never forgot me on Mother's Day. He always made the day special for me but now he doesn't really understand. It has made this holiday harder for me and for some reason it is even more difficult this year. I can still hear Ron in my head, telling me that I will always be a mommy in his eyes. I miss that. 

I am a proud birth mother. I will never regret my decision to give my son the life he deserves, but some days I miss him. I am so proud of the young man he has become and grateful for the letters and pictures that I have received over the last 15 years.  Mommy loves you Caleb Mikael! 

Be sure to remember ALL the mommies today. ♥

A song for my son, Caleb Mikael

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Random Observation for Today

So, today I was at the doctor and there was this sweet elderly couple sitting next to me. The elderly man proceeded to pick up his wife's purse, help her to the door and hold it open for her. I realized in that moment that I wouldn't get that moment with Ron. That we wouldn't be growing old together. That I no longer had my best friend to hold my purse, or hold the door, or do any of the small, insignificant things. So, I sat there in the doctor's office, thinking back to all of the "little things" that Ron doesn't do anymore. I won't bore you with too many examples, but I did want to share a few. When we were going through infertility treatments, I suffered from pretty severe migraines. Ron would brush my hair for hours to help with the pain. He was the only person in my life to remember me every Mother's Day. Of course I wrote this to try to get a message to my friends. Please, do not take one moment for granted. Even the smallest, most seemingly insignificant things, hurt horribly when they are gone.